Sat. Dec. 8th 2006 2:53pm

OK so today is one of those days that I am missing support from...well anyone and its one of those days that I think that no one will ever understand what I need to exist, and yet as much as I ponder the Question of Questions for some one who finds no hope around any corner at times I still come up with the same answer: yep cant do that. And yet that answer frustrates me more and more as Answers to self analyzing continue to be way to few.





miss you.

Tue. Nov 14th, 2006 3:48 am

OK so its been a while but now its time to vent somewhere it doesn't hurt others intentionally. I am developing a true hatred of people who claim to be and act like something and then are totally the opposite when it comes to certain situations. OK so at the moment my finger is pointed at Christians and myself since I am one at the same time. CAUTION STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD: Damn it if you going to be a Christian , Profess to be a Christian then be one all the time not when it suits you. Because if you are just going to tell everyone you are, then act like something else your just turning people off to Christ believers and non believers alike . YES I said believers those people trying to walk in faith beside you watch how you treat them. So treat them Christ like or you may be the log that trips them. OK I have said what I needed to say. NOW DO IT YOU PANSY'S AND STOP RUNNING FROM CONFLICT. EMBRACE IT AND LEARN THE BLESSINGS FROM TOUGH LOVE.

Sat. Oct. 7th 2006 12:29 pm

Out of a deep darkness was I born. I fought to just breath to just exist the battle seem to be for ever lost no chance at winning at times the Son would break thru the engulfing darkness and administer just a glimmer of hope, and at times when I thought I saw light it was just a different shade of the dark. Now I stand on hill top the very crest and can at times see in one direction a grayish darkness and in the other direction a Pure Darkness of which I am sure there can be no turning back from, And while I pray for a true Light to come to bare and shred me from this plain of Darkness I fear that the Pure Darkness is about to swallow me. And am ready for either to happen so that the end will be known and the story stop.

Sun Oct 1st 2006 7:12pm

This Sun was cynicism at its worst. I saw thru the whole sermon in the first 15 mins talk about NOT DEEP no meat there. Anyways not much to report on today. Have a Good one.

Sat. Sept 30th 2006 2:06am

Sleep.....Oh how I Love it ..actually too much due to the fact when just a bit depressed I can sleep 16 hours straight. And finding myself not motivated or caring about much of anything. Self motivation has always been one of those things that I have never quite figured out. Hey who knows maybe in the next 40 years I will catch on :) They say necessity is the motivator for many things. Well one door in the Job dept. has been closed and i find myself ok with that. on to the next doorway. Well that is all for now. Night

Friday Sept 29 1:51 am

So at the moment my shallow depression due to Job situations continues on.... And tho I firmly believe that God directs his children I also know that my timing is not His and I find myself waiting a lot these days. Isn't it funny how God works, in the middle of writing this blog he has a unbeliever friend of mine IM me and opens a door to share with him my foundation of my Faith in God. Which in turns strengthens my own faith . Thanks Lord. Well tonight my spirit is softened to the point tears are a welcome thing. It is time for sleep and Trust that God will continue this work that he has begun in me.
Goodnight and if Faith is needed read Hebrews chapters 11 and 12

Sept. 28th 2006 2:47 am

OK What follows is more for my own eyes then others but feel free to comment if you want.

Present situation: Job change is emanate, Family life becoming harder, Christians seem to rarely practice what they preach, but I could be included in that group. God seems to be untouchable. Wanting more from life is causing me a ulcer. More to follow as I feel need.